Pain, pain, pain – loneliness, misunderstood, used, unloved, left out, - whatever type of emotional pain exists, I probably went through it this month. Actually, maybe I always experience it to some degree – but this month was particularly intense. Painful thoughts and feelings...from childhood...from things in my life that are over...from things that are current now – it all surfaced for me to experience again.
During the month, I realised that I was trying to come up with explanations to combat the pain. This was a clear unconscious strategy to separate myself and protect myself from the pain. Trying to understand other’s points of view, to work out where I went wrong in the process, to explain it away as a form of karma or a way of life – nothing was helping, so I tried even harder. While washing the dishes one day, the unresolvable thoughts and feelings were going round and round inside of me and I realised that it just was. It was just pain. So, just being with the pain for what it was – not trying to find an explanation, the pain diminished and I could just be.
During the month, I realised that I was trying to come up with explanations to combat the pain. This was a clear unconscious strategy to separate myself and protect myself from the pain. Trying to understand other’s points of view, to work out where I went wrong in the process, to explain it away as a form of karma or a way of life – nothing was helping, so I tried even harder. While washing the dishes one day, the unresolvable thoughts and feelings were going round and round inside of me and I realised that it just was. It was just pain. So, just being with the pain for what it was – not trying to find an explanation, the pain diminished and I could just be.
The irony of life is that the less you search for the answer, the more life reveals the answer for you. Later on in the month, it all became clear. OSHO once said – “The pain is not to make you miserable, the pain is to make you more aware!” This month, this piece of advice couldn’t be more true. All these past painful beliefs I had forgotten and all the strategies & distractions that come with them, were brought back into my consciousness.
George Santayana is known for the sayings, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it".
George Santayana is known for the sayings, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it".
You can’t start new beginnings without becoming conscious of your past behaviours and habitual thoughts/feelings. It’s like banging your head on a glass door over and over again. Actually, many times this month of spring, I’ve watched flies repeatedly hitting against the glass window, with no idea how they got there in the first place. And it’s like that with your unconscious beliefs & strategies – you play them out & get stuck trying to free yourself by taking the same action over and over again, with no idea how you got into this mess in the first place. I mean, a fly has thousands of facets with their 2 eyes that allow them to see such a large range, yet they can’t see beyond the glass pane in front of them. They can’t even remember the way they got into the house.
It’s a great analogy. The beautiful wide world is there in front of your eyes – and yet a glass pane acts as a giant invisible obstacle. You want to be out there, connected, but suddenly you’re stuck behind the glass. No matter what type of racket or how hard you force against it, the glass remains formidable. You can even try waiting – not doing anything, in the hope that the glass will dissolve by itself – but nothing changes. What to do? The irony is that the glass is showing up your powerlessness, unworthiness, insignificance, your lack of resources, etc – but the truth is that it is only a glass pane. You are unconsciously reacting to something that is only reflecting back your own beliefs that you are limited.
Running away from the glass obstacle could help but most likely you will end up stuck on another glass plane/obstacle at the other side of the house. You might luck your way out to the door. You might even get some support by the householder (especially if he is of Buddhist nature) but most likely get swatted in the process. There are so many strategies that could be played out.
The action with the best outcome is if the fly could first stop reacting. This goes beyond its little fly frustration or fear, and the respective actions it’s compelled to take. A fly could be stuck fighting against the glass pane for 1 or more days of its month-long life – that’s at least 2 to 3 human years! Can you imagine spending that long fighting against obstacles in your life? – it’s silly but actually not uncommon. People go through life-long poverty, multiple failed relationships, yo-yo health – and play out the same strategies and reactions, time and time again. Some don’t even realise these patterns exist!
It’s in the reaction that narrows your focus to just the limiting beliefs, the glass barrier. Putting all your energy into getting through the obstacle, only reinforces the existence of an obstacle. Whatever it is you need to fight or flee from, let it go. By doing this, you widen your focus and the best action to take becomes obvious.
And those little fly eyes and wings are perfectly capable. Trust me, you are perfectly capable. New beginnings require letting go of the past – and this is best done through no longer reacting to it anymore. Then, you can widen your focus – take in your surroundings –let life guide you. Sometimes it seems like you are moving further away –but what you are heading towards could be just around the corner.
It’s in the reaction that narrows your focus to just the limiting beliefs, the glass barrier. Putting all your energy into getting through the obstacle, only reinforces the existence of an obstacle. Whatever it is you need to fight or flee from, let it go. By doing this, you widen your focus and the best action to take becomes obvious.
And those little fly eyes and wings are perfectly capable. Trust me, you are perfectly capable. New beginnings require letting go of the past – and this is best done through no longer reacting to it anymore. Then, you can widen your focus – take in your surroundings –let life guide you. Sometimes it seems like you are moving further away –but what you are heading towards could be just around the corner.
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