This was a strange month –everything seemed to come up to the surface and I had to question on many occasions ‘what kind of structure have I set up here?’ It was often quite uncomfortable to see why things weren’t working – and they often led back to me...
William Whitecloud often says in his courses: What you think you’re focused on is not what you’re really focused on. I find this an absolutely amazing revelation and have seen proof so many times. Just consciously imagining and
visioning something won’t create your vision – sure it’s a good start but if you are not aware of what’s really lying underneath your conscious mind, then you may be putting energy somewhere else entirely. And without even realising it!
I couldn’t see how I could get this current reality to work.
One of the ways I would keep harmony is keep quiet about any hurtful complaints, in order to protect everyone’s feelings. I was trying to be the nice, peaceful person, showing by example a loving and understanding nature – in the hope that everyone would pick up on that. Albert Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results. Yeah. I look back and think how long I was playing the same game and going nowhere... Crazy.
After a series of events, I had had enough. I was so fed up that I no longer cared about anyone’s feelings/pride or being the nice guy go-between. I decided instead that we were going to lay everything on the table.
I insisted that everyone stay after dinner was finished. I openly stated what was on my mind – what each person had been telling me privately (about the other), that I wanted this family to work and what I expected from each person. I told each person that they were on probation with me, until I got what was expected – for my daughter it was for her to have more respectfulness and help around the house; for my partner it was to be the adult and constructive expression of anger. I allowed others to speak, one at a time, until everyone had their say. There was no solution to figure out – there was no interrupting or disputing each other. Just free expression of each person’s truth in the moment, one at a time.
Surprisingly, everything came out on the table and in the end, everyone agreed to some degree – although there was nothing really to agree with. It just was. It was exactly like how William Whitecloud described back in Swaziland with the local tribe’s Indaba (see his latest book The Last Shaman for more details). Everyone was allowed a say – no one was disputed no matter how irrelevant – and the truth revealed itself in the end.
In the end, everyone couldn’t wait to leave the table. I had let go of needing to be the peacemaker and in a way embraced being the ‘meanie’ and enforcer. However, I did it with a pure intention of my heart’s vision. I realised in hindsight that in keeping secrets to save people’s feeling, I was actually moving away from a loving family – no matter how illogical that statement sounds to me. A true family unit knows each other’s dark side – they live together in the same space and nothing is sacred.
My outdated belief was that in order to be a loving family, everyone must keep the peace at all costs. Basically conflict does not equal love; therefore all conflict must be squashed in order to logically have a loving family. So, that was where all my energy was going – suppressing conflict. There can be no fights and definitely not speaking your mind out, if it would cause more conflict. The end result was more conflict as everyone was expected to suppress their open opinions. Internal tension would build until it needed an outlet. I was putting all my energy in the wrong place because I didn’t realise that a truly loving family can also have conflict. In creating a space that allows the freedom to speak their opinions, without needing to fix or find a compromise – a common ground was found. A new foundation of accepting everyone for their own truth. In sharing the things I thought would cause more conflict, the old foundation that was held by this secretive energy crumbled away.
The foundation creates the basis of the outcome. It’s vitally important and completely obvious. It is the underlying structure that holds that reality together. And if you need a new foundation, you can create a new one.
Looking into your consciousness is the same thing. Sure, it’s less tangible and a little harder to grasp but you need to be willing to look, then REALLY look and assess. Not see what you want to see – but open yourself to the truth with the working premise that “there really is an easy and effortless way to have what my heart wants, I just haven’t opened myself up to it yet...” Sometimes it’s uncomfortable because we’re going outside our comfort zone and delving into a more expanded reality –where our usual reactions and behaviours no longer fit. But what is more important – holding onto the way you’ve always responded to the world or what your heart really wants to become reality?