There was a time many years back when I would draw an OSHO Zen Tarot Card every day, to the point where I knew every card. But there was always one card – XII New Vision – where I couldn’t understand what OSHO was talking about. He writes about the bhagavat in the ten directions:
Your inner being, when it opens, first experiences two directions: the height, the depth. And then slowly, slowly, as this becomes your established situation, you start looking around, spreading into all other eight directions. And once you have attained to the point where your height and your depth meet, then you can look around to the very circumference of the universe. Then your consciousness starts unfolding in all ten directions, but the road has been one.
Your inner being, when it opens, first experiences two directions: the height, the depth. And then slowly, slowly, as this becomes your established situation, you start looking around, spreading into all other eight directions. And once you have attained to the point where your height and your depth meet, then you can look around to the very circumference of the universe. Then your consciousness starts unfolding in all ten directions, but the road has been one.
I often consider direction and expansion as going outside of myself, but another direction is to go deep within yourself. I realise now that you will never reach a point deep in yourself which is the end, there is always more to discover. I always understood this intellectually, but it is a different thing to understand experientially. So, while I understood, I was still searching with some type of expectation that I was going to get somewhere! Here is the clincher. I was unconsciously setting myself up for disappointment and dissatisfaction over and over again.
And with this realisation comes a change through my very being. When realisation hits, often it’s like my whole being comes alive and vibrates differently. I understand without having to think or conceptualise.
This month – one of the main highlights for me was a horse whispering session in Byron with Louise (see here for more info). It is an interactive session with a horse through the avenue of natural horsemanship, which unfolds a deeper understanding of yourself.
What I really wanted for this session was to gain a deeper understanding on how I interact with the world & others, plus an added bonus of being able to connect to my neighbouring horses. The new horses were very cold, unlike the previous ones that were very friendly and curious. I missed the interaction.
And with this realisation comes a change through my very being. When realisation hits, often it’s like my whole being comes alive and vibrates differently. I understand without having to think or conceptualise.
This month – one of the main highlights for me was a horse whispering session in Byron with Louise (see here for more info). It is an interactive session with a horse through the avenue of natural horsemanship, which unfolds a deeper understanding of yourself.
What I really wanted for this session was to gain a deeper understanding on how I interact with the world & others, plus an added bonus of being able to connect to my neighbouring horses. The new horses were very cold, unlike the previous ones that were very friendly and curious. I missed the interaction.
I learnt many things about myself– with two things that were the most insightful. One, my tendency towards staying 'comfortable' actually coincides with me contracting my energy (I like to stay hidden). Two, I have difficulty in setting personal boundaries with those who invade my energetic space, hence I often contract further as a strategy.
Now, I already knew these things on some level, but it is much deeper and more holistic to understand it experientially.
Now, I already knew these things on some level, but it is much deeper and more holistic to understand it experientially.
Through learning how to walk with a horse, without making noise or pulling it by a lead – I learnt about connecting my energy with her (Pippa was her name). I learnt about being decisive about where I was going. I learnt about my strategies I fall into when I start to lose the connection – like losing my will, creating a begging energy and falling into just getting the tasks done by myself. I re-learnt how to be magnetic.
Through playing a ring game with Pippa, where I had to get her to run around the outer ring and not enter my space in the centre, I learnt about being clear about what I wanted –especially with myself. I learnt about ways to lead others without watching them, just staying in touch with their energy. I learnt the feeling of when I disconnect. I re-learnt how to play, have fun and bring energy into the game.
Most importantly, I learnt how to claim my space. The whole act was very uncomfortable – several times I wanted to cry. And it was those points where I was shaken up inside, that I knew I was drilling deeper. Internal unconscious parts of me were crumbling – I had ventured deeper to a place I never wanted to go before. This was the most surprising part for me – someone who has done so much work on myself, still discovering things that shake me to my core.
Through playing a ring game with Pippa, where I had to get her to run around the outer ring and not enter my space in the centre, I learnt about being clear about what I wanted –especially with myself. I learnt about ways to lead others without watching them, just staying in touch with their energy. I learnt the feeling of when I disconnect. I re-learnt how to play, have fun and bring energy into the game.
Most importantly, I learnt how to claim my space. The whole act was very uncomfortable – several times I wanted to cry. And it was those points where I was shaken up inside, that I knew I was drilling deeper. Internal unconscious parts of me were crumbling – I had ventured deeper to a place I never wanted to go before. This was the most surprising part for me – someone who has done so much work on myself, still discovering things that shake me to my core.
It was the results afterwards that really showed me that something had shifted. We came home, I went to the fence & out stretched my hand and used what I had learnt. Immediately, she came over and instead of being really jittery like before, looked quite content being scratched on the forehead and stroked on the neck. Connection!
I found myself over the week discovering parts of myself that no longer accepted if someone crossed the line. Actually, I discovered I had a temper – one that would surface instinctively but also defused quite quickly after it had been expressed. And actually, it felt quite good to let it out – whereas before I would just hold it in and feel very victimised (not to mention my throat feeling blocked).
I even played with the walking with my partner/hubby on the beach, connecting to his energy & staying energetically connected – like I did with Pippa. This time, I found he walked with me naturally – I didn’t have to beg to hold his hand or nag. If I walked towards the water, he would instinctively move to follow. It was a beautiful flowing connection without words. (I never told him... I don't think he would be too happy being thought of like a horse).
A couple of weeks passed and I found the horses were ignoring me again. I knew I had gotten too comfortable and had contracted my energy.
I found myself over the week discovering parts of myself that no longer accepted if someone crossed the line. Actually, I discovered I had a temper – one that would surface instinctively but also defused quite quickly after it had been expressed. And actually, it felt quite good to let it out – whereas before I would just hold it in and feel very victimised (not to mention my throat feeling blocked).
I even played with the walking with my partner/hubby on the beach, connecting to his energy & staying energetically connected – like I did with Pippa. This time, I found he walked with me naturally – I didn’t have to beg to hold his hand or nag. If I walked towards the water, he would instinctively move to follow. It was a beautiful flowing connection without words. (I never told him... I don't think he would be too happy being thought of like a horse).
A couple of weeks passed and I found the horses were ignoring me again. I knew I had gotten too comfortable and had contracted my energy.
I went up to the nearby highest hill that looked over the Caldera and expanded my energy across the land and its inhabitants. This was also uncomfortable, but I persisted – just playing with it, tuning into the energy, allowing myself to be big and magnetic. I came back and decided to go see some of the neighbouring horses. As soon as I walked toward them, they lifted their head and came towards me. I went to another paddock and the horses there did the same. Earlier that morning, I had beckoned them twice and they all ignored me. They sensed my energy change. One of the horses started nuzzling me, nipping at my shirt and looking like she was in a blissful state as I rubbed her forehead. In this new state, I was so connected.
A week later, I came back to the horses and they ignored me again. I expanded my energy, allowed myself to become magnetic – with my arm outstretched. She looked like she was considering coming over but then just decided to continue eating grass. I realised I was in the begging energy state. So I crossed my arm, still staying connected and expanded– I held my ground with what I wanted. She looked a little hesitant at first, but slowly decided to saunter over – which ended in a forehead rubbing and behind the ear scratching. And a bit of her nipping playfully at my shirt.
That one horse session showed me so many insights for my personal life, for my business, as a parent, as a healer, as a lover – and especially the way I connect with others (people and horses). However, the irony is that the new states of being I'm learning to develop were all there inside myself in the first place. I just never wanted to go there in the past because it was uncomfortable. It’s like the pressure when you dive deep – it’s uncomfortable but you have a desire to dive and discover more. The discovery becomes more important than the discomfort. And in the discovery, you expand and open up to more parts of you.
In diving deep – there is no end. Like South becomes North, and East becomes West – the depths that you dive becomes the heights that you soar. And in the reaching for your highest heights, your depths become revealed. The separation is only in your mind.
To end this blog, but to open up to diving even deeper:
A monk said to Kyosei, “What is the meaning of ‘the Bhagavat in the ten directions is one road to nirvana’?”
Kyosei said, “In a house, there are not two masters.”
In diving deep – there is no end. Like South becomes North, and East becomes West – the depths that you dive becomes the heights that you soar. And in the reaching for your highest heights, your depths become revealed. The separation is only in your mind.
To end this blog, but to open up to diving even deeper:
A monk said to Kyosei, “What is the meaning of ‘the Bhagavat in the ten directions is one road to nirvana’?”
Kyosei said, “In a house, there are not two masters.”
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