Pain, pain, pain – loneliness, misunderstood, used, unloved, left out, - whatever type of emotional pain exists, I probably went through it this month. Actually, maybe I always experience it to some degree – but this month was particularly intense. Painful thoughts and feelings...from childhood...from things in my life that are over...from things that are current now – it all surfaced for me to experience again.
During the month, I realised that I was trying to come up with explanations to combat the pain. This was a clear unconscious strategy to separate myself and protect myself from the pain. Trying to understand other’s points of view, to work out where I went wrong in the process, to explain it away as a form of karma or a way of life – nothing was helping, so I tried even harder. While washing the dishes one day, the unresolvable thoughts and feelings were going round and round inside of me and I realised that it just was. It was just pain. So, just being with the pain for what it was – not trying to find an explanation, the pain diminished and I could just be.
During the month, I realised that I was trying to come up with explanations to combat the pain. This was a clear unconscious strategy to separate myself and protect myself from the pain. Trying to understand other’s points of view, to work out where I went wrong in the process, to explain it away as a form of karma or a way of life – nothing was helping, so I tried even harder. While washing the dishes one day, the unresolvable thoughts and feelings were going round and round inside of me and I realised that it just was. It was just pain. So, just being with the pain for what it was – not trying to find an explanation, the pain diminished and I could just be.
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