Not just within you, but for those around you as well.
If you are commonly a disempowered person, then you will, even if you mean to empower someone with all good intentions, ultimately disempower them.
If you often feel misunderstood or disconnected, then you will misunderstand what other people are saying to you (usually in relation to yourself), feel attacked and then shut yourself off. Ultimately, making others feel misunderstood and disconnected.
What you focus on, you create around you. Often Inadvertently and unconsciously.
Whatever focus you hold in your victimhood, consciously or unconsciously, you will aid in others experiencing the same victimhood as well.
Whether they buy into the game or not, is another story.
We assume that whatever is going on internally has nothing to do with others. But this isn’t true. It leaks out.
Your victimhood is rife in your words, your actions and unconscious choices. Other people pick it up energetically, even if they aren’t aware of it. Sometimes you extract it out of others through your behaviours or communication style. You have a tendency to put yourself in the same situations over and over again, without seeing how you got there.
People talk about others being a mirror for something inside themselves (for example, their judgements is just a judgement you hold within yourself), but this isn’t wholly true either. This is just a model based on guilt – to make the person who is blaming others, guilty, and the person who pointed it out seem wise and all knowing.
In fact, you can say it’s less to do with mirrors and more to do with filters.
The victim part of you (your ego) founds its orientation on woundings from childhood, no matter how horrible or brilliant it was. This wounding creates a filtering of all experiences. It will filter out words, people, experiences and realities that don’t conform to its wounding.
Depending on how self-aware and self-responsible you may be – you will either see these events as ‘happening to you’ or ‘you creating them’. I prefer to believe I create them even if it’s painful to admit– but it is probably more true to say that I filter out all that is not what I focus on. This implies that in truth, we are inherently connected, yet we only ‘filter’ or allow in an illusion of separation.
This filtering can happen in a moment, over a series of events and over a lifetime.
This is fundamentally (and also affectionately) referred to as your egoic pattern. (See here for more info on patterns.)
Your inner experience is not separate from your outer – it’s just that you may not connect the dots.
If you regularly feel attacked, then you will attack. If you feel misunderstood, then you will misunderstand. If you numb your feelings & overlook your needs, others will overlook you. If you feel guilty and ashamed, you will inadvertently guilt and shame others. If you are always achieving from a place of emptiness and not enough, then you will make others feel empty through your achievements.
The list goes on.
It’s a simple model, but I guarantee you won’t get it in relation to yourself. Others maybe – but without consistent focus and will to unravel these unconscious structures, you can only try and fit square pegs in round holes.
And if you tried to point this out to most people, you will meet resistance. Until you really get it. Even those who are quick to blame themselves will try their best to understand, but will quickly turn it into a confusing mess. Every little event will become a search for the meaning of how they are to blame.
Likewise, if you feel inherently connected, then others will easily connect with you. Synchronistic events will occur. If you feel a bursting love within, you will love around you and others will experience that love. If you accept yourself, others will feel accepted by you.
The problem with telling you this is that your natural inclination is to force it to happen. Some will play moralistic games of doing the right thing, thinking that it is love and connection. Others will try to generate that feeling of love and connection, artificially creating loving thoughts, which will be greatly inauthentic if covering up unconscious thoughts that do not align.
It’s almost better to authentically hate others than fake love.
At least you’re being authentic.
I’ll give a real-world example, unattached concept – and you can bring the context into your own consciousness.
I worked on a project at a wastewater treatment plant. One massive tank structure, buried deep into the ground was leaking. The operators of the plant could tell because the ground in that area was soaked even when it didn’t rain. Sometimes the liquid would squirt from the joins near the ground. It was quickly reported to the manager.
The problem was that this structure used to have a very dirty and corrosive job. So, in the 15 years that it existed, no one wanted to open it up. There was a perceived danger. It wasn’t going to be easy – possibly expensive. Even though it should be cleaned out every 10 years.
So, what did the manager instruct to be done? Put sealant on the joins. Kind of like blu-tacking the holes. This is like putting a small bandaid on a deep wound that needs stitches. But... see no evil, hear no evil, right?
After time, it was clearly not enough. The ground was still soaked, the problem remained and we do have an environment protection agency who is quick to pounce if people have been negligent.
What was needed to be done? We were hired in to look at the problem. To really make a difference we needed to open up the structure. Bring it to light and find where the ‘wounding’ was. The tank needed clearing out – it had been a long time. The location of the crack needing to be identified Then we could seal it from the inside, where the problem really was.
The good news is that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. The work wasn’t as expensive as originally perceived and if done on a regular basis, would be even more affordable and easy. The cracks weren’t that deep. Other little things were found and corrected for no added cost. It was far easier to hire out people to help identify what really needed to be done to do the work, than do it by themselves.
This is not much different from your own consciousness. If you want to make changes in your life, have different experiences – then old unconscious beliefs about reality need to be brought to light on a regular basis. You can’t be a lone wolf and try and figure out your deep wounds – it’s just going to generate a whole bunch of fears that likely have no basis in reality.
This is why life coaching is important. Not to pounce and point out all the thing you’ve done wrong in your life. But to unravel the unconscious structures that are creating problems in your life. Reforming those structures into ones that bring you inherent connection and synergy into your life.
Providing the support we need as human beings.
What’s on the inside of you will leak out if you remain unconscious to wounding inside. It may seem impossible, but it actually is not that hard to bring these outdated, unconscious structures to light. Why not create joyful experiences in your life instead by creating an authentic joy within. Sounds simple, but you do have to go deep to create real change.
Contact Leah on firstname.lastname@example.org to give it a go.